Weekend Wonderment

Yesterday, my gorgeous granddaughter was born. My son and his fiancee sent me photos while I was at work and I was overjoyed. Isn't she beautiful! She weighed 8 lbs and was 20 inches long. She's eating like a champion and sleeping like a pro.

Happy Birthday, Emily-Rose... your Nanny loves you very much.

Wednesday Wound-Up

I'm trying to get back in the regular swing of things now that school has gone back in session. It may take me a while to get this all free flowing again but sooner or later, it will happen. I kind of figured if you have stuck with me this far, you totally understand.

So here is what I have going on at the moment. Granted, I have a sock project in my purse and a shawl project in my yarn trolley but these two are my main focus right now - one is paid sample work and the other is a Christmas present... hence the reason you can't really see either.

I love that my husband chose such a gorgeous shade of purple for his sweater.  I just hope he loves it when I'm done.

Tuesday Tunes

I'm home sick today, and I feel horrible I tend to put on some music really low in the background.  Today I am hoping Billy does the trick.  I'm sharing one of my favorites with you, to get your day off to a better start than mine.

A last first

This is Hobbit's last first day of Elementary School. I can't believe how much she has grown - both physically and emotionally. Every day is a new adventure in laughter, tears, patience, and understanding. I can't believe that in 9 short months, my little Hobbit will be a middle schooler!

Peanut is also have a year full of last firsts. Yesterday was her last first night in the dorms, as she has started her Senior year of college this week. It's hard to believe how much my life has changed over these past five years.

For all that was good, bad, and in between - it has all most definitely been the biggest of blessings.

Rekindling a love

I used to have such a love affair with photography and photo editing but for some reason, over the past two years, it has dwindled a bit. I was actually missing it this week so I rejoined an old group yesterday to try and catch a spark of that flame and fan it bright.  These were the fruits of my labors.

The bottom left is the first one I submitted under the prompt of "Path" and the bottom middle won out for today's prompt of "Lighting" - though the top image put up a valiant fight and I think if I had posted it instead I would still feel like I should have posted the other. The image of Hobbit was taken on Thursday for Orientation but I didn't 'work' the image until yesterday.

I can feel my creative side starting to poke through a bit more. As my dear Robin once said, we're only given a little spark of madness and we mustn't lose it... so this is me, doing my best to not lose it.

Sewing, stitching, and staying above water

Oh mylanta. I've been one busy girl!  Lots of irons in the fire lately makes for very little time in other places some days.

I've got a dream gig that just makes me so happy. It's a side job, honestly, but it's not really work to me so I love it. I am making sample pieces for a major yarn company!! Yep, I've got my first one under way right now and as soon as it's released, I'll share the details with you.  Once I got that gig, I had an indie designer jump on board with my sample crafting as well.  I'm getting paid to play with yarn.  You can't beat that!

We had Orientation the other day at Hobbit's school. She was so excited to be back at her old school.  She went around visiting with her old teachers and staff members of the school.  They all wanted to know where she was last year and so happy that she came 'home' for her final year in elementary school.

I honestly wanted to keep it for myself but that would have wrong, right?

Speaking of new school years, I made a bag for her to give her new teacher.  I must say, it is the best bag I've ever made. It is also the biggest bag I've ever done - it finished out at a whopping 16"hx12"wx6"d!! We didn't know if Hobbit's teacher was going to be male or female so I went with blueberries and gingham.  That could work for anyone right? When we gave it to her, she said it was amazing and in her favorite colors so I was tickled.

Her teacher is brand new to the school and is doing the entire self contained gifted classroom.  It houses all three grades (3rd, 4th, and 5th) and there were only 12 student names on the tables the other day.  She comes from South Carolina, is a total nerd (loves Disney, Doctor Who, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, and many more), and used to teach 6th grade gifted so she's got experience.  I really liked her and so did Hobbit. She is about as tall as Hobbit, has beautiful ginger hair, and hipster glasses.  She was overjoyed with the bag (and granny square cup cozy) I made for her and after our conversation, she proclaimed Hobbit her most favorite student of all time.

I'm excited for school to go back in session. It's be one long, crazy, and exhausting break. Peanut heads back to college for her Senior year tomorrow, Hobbit is starting her final year of elementary school on Monday, and my newest granddaughter is scheduled to arrive on Thursday.  What an exciting year we have ahead!

What a day it's been

I went to bed having an allergic reaction last night, thinking when I woke up it would have passed.  Nope, it didn't pass at all - it morphed into an episode that lasted most of the day. I was worn out by noon and ended up sleeping in my chair until 4:30ish.  Thankfully, I woke up feeling a lot better.  Still not fabulous or 100% but way better than when I woke up earlier this morning.

Then, I get a call from Pokey who was late coming home. The reason for it was because he got into a car accident.  He is fine, thank God. He contacted our insurance and since it was minor damage to either car, they just exchanged information and moved on with life. His little car has some damage on the front left bumper area but hopefully we will be able to get it fixed. I know the car insurance will pay for a rental car while they work on the repair so he won't be without a car... and neither will I.

My friend, KP, had come over after work so we could both learn how to sew box bags. We had cut out the fabric and just beginning to sew them when her husband texted her.  He wasn't feeling well and wanted her home.  I know that feeling - can't do anything but wait it out, which is frustrating, and wanting someone to just make it better.  Naturally, she went home to care for him so our sewing date was put on hold.

I did finish my bag though. I am rather proud of it, though I learned a few things along the way.  The first being that I need a handle.  I like mine that have handles so this one needs that as well. The second is that I need zipper tabs.  They truly are important.

So that's been my day. Not the best one on record but at least it had a shiny spot to share.

Sunday Snaps

I've been getting to know my sewing machine.  She's a sweet thing who stopped fighting with me this week!

Vacation for some, work for others

This past week has been odd.  Pokey and Hobbit were both on vacation and I had to work all week. It made for some very off kilter nights, as they will both stay up all hours of the night and I have to go to bed by 11 o'clock at the latest to be coherent enough to work in the morning at 8am.  Then, while I was at work at 8 o'clock, they would roll out of bed around my lunch hour after noon.  Thankfully, it's all winding down - Pokey goes back to work on Monday and Hobbit is going back on her school bed schedule this week because she has orientation on the 20th and back to school on the 24th!

I have knit very little this past week. I made Hobbit a finger less mitt to go with one I had made back around Easter.  She now has  a complete set. While I've not been knitting, I have been getting geared up to get to know my sewing machine better!  I bought a ton of fat quarters, interfacing, and notions to make project bags.

They are super cute, aren't they!

The first type I wanted to try was the Japanese Knot Bag.  I tried two tutorials - Stacy Sews and Schools' DIY Japanese Knot Bag which has an envelop bottom and Helen Heaths' Japanese Knot Bag Tutorial which has a circular bottom.

I learned a lot with both of them and the main thing that I'm taking away is that I am not a Japanese Knot Bag kind of girl.  I like box bags or totes. I thought these would be cute for little odds and ends projects but honestly, I don't do odds and ends projects.  Most of what I knit or crochet is big and it needs a bigger bag.  While I highly recommend both - as they are very nice - I think my next adventure in sewing will be towards a tote bag and then a box bag.

I like them both but if I could take the handles from the envelop and put them on the other bag, it would be perfect.

Worthiness and whipped up WIPs

In some of my knitting groups, we are getting organized for holiday gift crafting and there is term that keeps getting passed around - knitworthy.  Apparently, they rank their family and friends as to whether or not they deem them 'worthy' to receive a handcrafted item for the holidays.

I'm sorry but that just sounds a bit too snobbish for me.  I enjoy crafting and I have a fairly decent stash that is heavy on the acrylic/easy care front. I make items for everyone.  My mother, a crafter herself, will receive items made out of more luxurious yarns than perhaps my grandchildren simply because kids need more durable items and I would hate to saddle the parent of anyone tiny with the responsibility of hand washing and blocking an item.

Everyone is worthy of an item made out of love from a craft you enjoy.  It's a gift to you in making something with your hands and it's a gift to them when you present it. There are times when I make things and simply place them in the charity bins around town. I don't know the homeless or downtrodden soul who will receive my gift but that doesn't make them any less 'worthy' than a relative. Who knows, it could be just the thing the lift their spirits and help them rise above their circumstances.

I think we, as crafters, should change this mindset and deem everyone worthy. We - or at least I - get selfish pleasure out of making it and they get pleasure out of receiving and wearing it.  It's a win-win situation. Celebrate everyone and craft for all!

Speaking of crafting, this weekend I finished up two projects that have made me tickled. The first is a lace knitting bag for my upcoming sock knitting adventure. I've ordered my needles (size 0-4) and when they arrive, I will embark on learning how to knit socks on straights.  I wanted a special bag just for that and so I made this little beauty.

My Knitting Bag - Ravelry Project Page - Knit Picks Brava Worsted yarns

The pattern is from an old Jane Austin Knits magazine and I've been wanting to make it for years but I was too scared of the lace and I didn't understand the little herringbone stitch for the base.  I decided to tackle it this week because I've got more knitting experiene under my belt and I must say, I love it! Even the lining was a new adventure for me.  I pleated the material at the top so that it would 'grow' with the bag and not be as confining when the bag stretches beautifully.  Overall, I'm pleased as punch.

I also made a fabulous summer bonnet this past weekend.  I went scrap stash diving and worked from that basket. I have so many odds and ends of leftovers, it's nice to find projects that help use up those bits. This pattern was newly released on Ravelry in July so I thought I would give it a try and I have to say, I really like how it turned out. 

Cool Breeze - Ravelry Project Page - Red Heart Super Saver yarns

I had to make a few tweaks to the project because the designer only made it in her size which is a little bit larger than my head size.  I made notes on my project page though, in case anyone else had the same challenge. Having worn it yesterday to my knitting group meeting, I found that it is a bit large but I believe it helped in not being too hot wear comfortably... and in Florida, that is a big deal!

Currently it's raining and has been for some time.  We've got flood advisories and thunderstorms - such fun. Not a lot of sleep was found last night but hopefully it will be quieter tonight so I will go to bed early to make up for it.

Did you do anything fun this weekend?  Do you have exciting plans for this week?

My how times change

I loved back to school time as a kid.  I got a new school bag and all the supplies a little nerd could ask for - binders, folders, pencil cases, pencils, pens, paper, organizers.  It was one of the most exciting times of the year for me as a kid.  Sadly, times have changed.

Now, instead of buy supplies for my child I am given a list of $40 worth of items that are considered "standard" that I am requested to purchase and bring to the classroom.  They aren't supplies for Hobbit but instead, for the "community".  Our list looked like this today -

• 3 pkgs. #2 pencils
• 1 box of Crayola colored pencils or markers
• 2 pkg thin dry erase markers
• Pkg of highlighters
• Pkg of Post-it notes
• 1 pair Fiskar scissors
• 2 Elmer’s white glue stick
• 5 solid color pocket folders with pockets and prongs
• 3 composition notebooks (not spiral)
• 2 boxes of tissues
• 1 ream of plain white copy paper
• 1 pack of WIDE ruled lined paper
• 1 bottle of unscented hand sanitizer
• 1 in or 1 ½ in three ring binde

These items are to be handed in, without Hobbit's name on them, so they can be added to some larger community pool of supplies.  Once we've met the teacher, I will be handed a second list of supplies that are classroom specific.  That list generally runs me an additional $40 and is full of more community items such as construction paper, zip lock baggies, index cards and the like.  Again, no name on them because of the whole "community" aspect.

When did this become the norm?  When did people stop supplying for their own children and start having to foot the bill for everyone else?  I know this sounds terrible but let me explain how I have come to despise the whole "it takes a village" mindset...

Last year, the teacher sent home a list of supplies to make graham cracker cookie houses just before Christmas break.  None of the families brought things in and Hobbit's teacher asked her to see if we could bring in EVERYTHING on the list.  We were floored at the nerve but thought perhaps there was a new system and we were somehow financially responsible for this activity.  We did as requested and $35 later had the supplies for her entire class to make graham cracker cookie house before the holiday break... only to have the supplies divvied up on January 6th when they returned BACK from break.  We were then given a list for the Valentine's Day party and asked if we could supply it all.  That is when we put our foot down.

We called the teacher and were told that the other parents could not afford it.  During the school meeting night, we met the other parents.  The women all - and no, am not exaggerating - had their nails done, both men and women were covered in tattoos, everyone had their nose in an updated cellphone, and the vast majority wreaked of cigarette smoke.  It was vile.  So no, it's not that they couldn't afford it - they chose to not do it!

I do not get my nails my done because it is a luxury that I chose to not indulge in at the moment.  I used to many years ago but stopped when I needed the money for other things. I do not have tattoos but I do know they are expensive.  I do not have a cellphone because that is an expense I do not need or want.  I do not smoke but I do know the cost of the habit, as I used to smoke myself but I most certainly never did so at the expense of my children's needs.

I don't appreciate being saddled with the expense of other people's children simply because they chose to spend their money on their nails, cellphone service, cigarettes, or tattoos.  Instead of buying a carton of cigarettes, they can get their kids' school supplies.  Instead of paying for the expensive cellphone plan, they can get their kids' school supplies.  Instead of having their nails done that week, they can get their kids' school supplies.  Lots of ways in order to pay for these things... the difference in where people have their priorities.


Mine are towards my family... so excuse me if I refuse to be a part of your 'village'.  I'm sorry that you don't care enough about the welfare and needs of your family to forgo some of your luxury expenses but I am not going to be the one who foots the bill because you are a deadbeat.  If you can't afford to outfit your child for school but you can somehow afford your nails, hair, tattoos, cigarettes, and cellphone then perhaps your child would be better off in a home where they would be properly attended to - as it appears you are too selfish and lazy to do the job.

Now, please excuse me while I go and write my daughter's name in her new sparkly binder for school.  The 'village' can kiss my hiney...

Sunday Snaps

Sweet as Sugar project page - made with Knit Picks Brava Sport in Rouge and Umber Heather

I am spending my day shaking off a pretty terrible end to the week.  I'm just going to sit here, veg out on House Hunters and work on my Whippoorwill pattern that was gifted to me.  It is just a relaxing knit that I'm absolutely loving and totally grateful for having today.  It's hard to see but I'm actually a third of the way through with it!

Life changing, according to the coffee...

It's been an eventful week - nothing life changing, sans the coffee, but still very eventful for me.

I've been a busy beaver this week.  I finished a sweater for my friend's daughter.  I frogged and restarted a pair of socks for my husband (different pattern).  I started an interesting cowl for my youngest daughter. I received beautiful yarn that I purchased through Ravelry via someone's stash. I had life changing coffee - says so, right on the cup. I received more gorgeous yarn through the same means but this is enough to make a sweater for me!

The week didn't seem like much went on - mostly because Hobbit was not here so it was mellow and low key - but when you pile it all together and take a look at it, it was rather nice.  I also ordered enough yarn to make Pokey a sweater for Christmas.  It is going to be a beautiful shade of purple for the Old Way Gansey sweater. I am torn between proposing it for my OWL during Fall Term or if I should just start and when the yarn arrives because goodness knows, that extra four weeks may be just what I need to finish on time.

Time for me to get moving though.  I've got to grab a quick shower so we can drive the two hours up to get Hobbit. Yesterday was a stressful day so I'm honestly not looking forward to going like I normally am but worst case scenario is that I have enough time to use the restroom before turning around and driving straight back home again. 

On the upside, I have my virtual knitting night with my Disney Adventures group so that will be fun.  Feel free to join us - we love making new friends!  All you need is Skype and we'll get you connected with us.  Shoot me a PM on Ravelry if you'd like join in.  We meet every Saturday night starting at 8:30pmET. We work on our projects, talk, have coffee, and just hang out enjoying one another's company.

Sunday Snaps

I got a few things done this week - lace, photo deconstruction, and learned charted color work.

It was one of those weeks, you know? I wasn't up to snuff for most of it so as you can see, my productivity was super far down. Oh well, I learned a few things so that makes up for a little bit, right?

I made a lace cowl.  The original pattern stopped after the center lace but it felt uneven to me so I repeated the first lace section over again.  I really like how it came out.  It is just big enough to be of value down here in Florida without being too overwhelming.

My son asked me to make him a Hello Kitty sleep sack for his soon to arrive daughter.  How could I possibly say no - he's never asked me for anything!  Naturally, I got right on it... and it took me 2.5 months worth of trial and error to get it looking close to the photo he showed me.  I think I frogged and restarted this piece about five times but I'm finally done and it will be placed in the box for Emily and Kiki.

I took a day to learn how to do stranded color work from a chart.  It was interesting and required a lot more concentration that I could afford that day but it got my mind off other things - which was the whole point - so it was a win... and I didn't do a bad job with it.  One little section is a bit too tight but I corrected it later on and learned from that mistake.

Hoping for a better week this week.  Doctor appointments on Wednesday and work all week so nothing exciting.  Hobbit was picked up by my folks today for a week with them.  She's excited to be up there and they like having her so I'll take the week to rest.  She'll be going back to school at the end of August this year so she might be able to sneak in one more week if she's good.

I hope  y'all had a fabulous week.  Did you make anything or learn anything new?

Sunday Snaps

I have been crafting up a storm, all week - and it felt really great!

This week I have been making things and it felt so good.  It really recharged my batteries to spend hours playing with my yarn.

I started the week by finishing up my Matching Wrap!  I was so happy to have it completed.  It was fun and I love the color combination. Things have been deliciously slower at work so I was able to make a few things - like the beret and the hotpad - during the week. 

I finished up the week by making the doll cape, backpack (colors are due to a HPKCHC class, Potions, not my choosing), and yarn caddy all yesterday!  Oh yes, so many hours spent in preparation of constant noise that would be happening... and did happen, well past 2:30 this morning!

Today, I'm going to work on the two projects I have going on (Abigail's sweater and my shrug) but I'm going to start a simple cowl for something to do during knitting group, and I need to get to the start of Row 11 on my Whippoorwill so that my friend KP can help me figure out what I'm doing wrong at that point.  I really want to make this shawl because it means a lot to me - one of my sweet readers gifted it to me with a note letting me know I wasn't alone and understood where I was coming from in regards to my recent diagnosis.  I'm going to be doing it in a delicious bubble gum pink and chocolate brown - and it will be gorgeous!

I hope y'all have a fabulous week ahead.  Did you get a chance to play with your projects this week?

You'll be indecisive too!

You think the cover is awesome, just wait...

I'm paralyzed by indecision - something that rarely happens to me.  I am the one in this family who makes the final decisions.  We discuss and it always ends up with either an "I don't care" or an "I don't know" which leaves me to be the one who makes the final call... because I am never paralyzed by indecision... until today.

What has caused this challenge -   Scarves In The Round, by Heather Walpole, is to blame because it is full of too many fabulous patterns and I can figure out where I want to start! At first I thought I would make something light because living on the surface of sun, I don't get a lot of use out of heavier items. But have you seen the heavier items - oh my bob, they're delicious!  The cables, the colors, the snuggle factor.  I died!!

I tried to pull myself together and resign myself to something practical that I could wear more often than stare at it longingly but that honestly was no help at all.  The lace, the picots, the drape.  How is a knitter supposed to be able to choose where to start when they all beg to be on my needles?!?

Everything is grouped into fabulous categories - From Beautiful Basics to Creative Colorwork, it's all here.

So I did what anyone in my position would do - I closed my eyes and randomly opened the book... this is where I fell and this is what I will make. Now, while I go and find the perfect yarn from my stash, take a look at this wonderful book...

I just adore the picot cast on and cast off of this piece. It's such a beautifully light and airy cowl that everyone should own.

This scarf makes me long for the holidays and the best part is, it's in the round so all the floats are safely tucked inside!

I'd wear this on more than just Wednesday, that's for sure! Can't you imagine a rainbow variegated against the black.. lovely!

Don't know how to do something?  Don't worry!  There are gorgeous photo tutorials in the back to explain everything for you.

Can you understand now how I was paralyzed... you will be too, I swear.  Best cure is to simply make them all!

Sunday Snaps

It's been a long and exhausting week.  I think this sums it up perfectly.

Finding my feet again

Okay, I don't feel so wobbly any more.  I don't feel solid yet but the lack of wobble is a plus.  My head has stopped screaming and Scarlett has left the building.  It is now tomorrow.

To all of you lovely souls who looked in on me, said a prayer for me, and lifted me - I thank you. I could honestly feel the love that y'all sent my way. I do contribute it to helping me get myself centered again. Knowing there is such a beautiful support system out there is such a blessing.

Over the past few days, I have attempted to research my diagnosis but it's all so negative and grim. I would shut down again and walk away.  Scarlett would come flouncing through and we'd bounce off together, vowing to think about it tomorrow.  The other day, during my normal sit down to try again, I went a different route.  I decided to go to a website that houses all the information in neat little packages that I can digest... pardon that horrible pun.  Oh wait, that isn't funny to you because I've not shared... okay, here goes.

I have diabetes... and IBS.

There.  By acknowledging it out loud, I acknowledge that it is a fact. I acknowledge that I have to make some serious changes. I acknowledge that my life is going to be different. I also acknowledge that it isn't the end of the world. Granted, nothing can truly be done about the latter but I can do something to help the first.

I have spent several days collecting information on my own Pinterest board - Managing Diabetes - and from there I read each bit and either discard it or save it for reference. My brain can consume these little nuggets and I can start to make a plan.  Just last night, I wrote out a goal sheet on how I'm going to take control of this disease!

Time to face this thing and see what it's made of... because I bet I'm made of stronger stuff.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Pokey and I took the day to go play around Disney's Animal Kingdom, just the two of us.  We had a blast riding the things we know Hobbit wouldn't like because they're too much of a thrill ride for her.  Afterwards, we went and had a late lunch/early supper at Splitsville Luxury Lanes at Downtown Disney West Side.  It was fabulous!  Here are some photos of our anniversary day out...

We started the day bright and early so that we could get the best chance of missing all the standard afternoon storms.

A nice (unfortunately, short) man took our photo in queue.  I got a TON of compliments on my Mickey comic strip dress.

Pokey had never ridden Expedition Everest so that was a must and my FastPass prowess had us whip through the queue too.

You have to admit, Disney does a great job paying attention to all the little details.  These prayer flags are fabulous.

Fabulous socks - hanging from the ceiling of the Expedition Everest queue.  I love them, don't you!

It was so hot... this monkey was just over it.

Look how cute... turtle butt!!

So many beautiful birds, this little guy was just singing his heart out... or yelling danger to all of his friends, just not sure.

Everywhere you looked, there was a beautiful water feature hidden. I could live here.

Lots of fish... and one wishful fisherman... hehehe.

There were a lot of new arrivals around the park.  This beautiful mama and her precious baby were my favorite.

Waiting for our last adventure on the safari attraction. It was so unbelievably hot yesterday but we had fun.

All the animals were on the left of the jeep, I was on the right.  I did the best I could with sports setting and a prayer.

Another fabulous waterfall was waiting after the safari ride.  Couldn't you just sit here for hours and enjoy it?

It was only one o'clock but we totally felt like this guy, so we moved our dinner reservation up to 3pm and headed out.

We finished our fun with Pokey having a burger called the Mad King - it was bigger than his face!  Yes, he did finish it too!!

The bottom opened up while we were having supper but thankfully, the new parking structure kept us dry as we headed to the car to go home.  Granted, we didn't get wet on our adventure but the drive home was horribly wet and full of lightening.  Pokey slept and I drove, which seems to be the norm on the way home from the parks.  I'm okay with it though because I'm a horrible passenger, just ask him.

We were home by six o'clock, hosed off the park, and spent the rest of the night enjoying the quiet.  I watched some episodes of Friends while I knit a row or two on my Marshmallow Shrug and he played his video game on the computer.  It was a wonderful end to our fabulous day.

Today, we're headed up to my folks' to pick up Hobbit and celebrate Father's Day with Pokey and Daddy.  It will be wonderful too.  Mama is making BBQ beef ribs for supper!  She made a special note to get beef instead of pork just for me so I will be sure to show my appreciation for her remembering my allergies.  I hope y'all have a wonderful day too and be sure to give your daddy or father figure a call to let them know they are loved.

A new version of normal

Y'all know I've not felt well for about a year now.  I've been poked and prodded and basically ignored by my old doctor... to the point that I fired her and got a new one.  Well, today was my follow up for all those tests they ran last month and today I learned that my life will have to create a new version of normal.

I kind of thought that by getting the results, I would feel better.  You know, "it's better to know and figure out a plan than to live in the dark" kind of thinking.  I don't know.  I think I kind of liked living in the dark, honestly.  Now that I know, I just want to do a full on Scarlett O'Hara.

I'm a planner and a fixer so I know I will snap out of this fog and get to work but for right now, I'm just kind of a bit lost.  Too much information at one time and my brain just went "Nope, no thank you.  Can't handle all of that right now.  We'll keep it on file but for now, just back away and leave us alone".  Crying seems silly and a waste of time and energy.  I don't feel like it anyway really.  I just feel a little lost. Like my anchor has slipped and I'm wobbling along.

I'm not dying, it's not that dramatic, but it is a complete change of life. The results answer a lot of questions and makes a lot of the past year make more sense. The question now is how do I move forward with all this information?  What changes can I/will I make in order to improve things?

... I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.