18 June 2015
A new version of normal
I kind of thought that by getting the results, I would feel better. You know, "it's better to know and figure out a plan than to live in the dark" kind of thinking. I don't know. I think I kind of liked living in the dark, honestly. Now that I know, I just want to do a full on Scarlett O'Hara.
I'm a planner and a fixer so I know I will snap out of this fog and get to work but for right now, I'm just kind of a bit lost. Too much information at one time and my brain just went "Nope, no thank you. Can't handle all of that right now. We'll keep it on file but for now, just back away and leave us alone". Crying seems silly and a waste of time and energy. I don't feel like it anyway really. I just feel a little lost. Like my anchor has slipped and I'm wobbling along.
I'm not dying, it's not that dramatic, but it is a complete change of life. The results answer a lot of questions and makes a lot of the past year make more sense. The question now is how do I move forward with all this information? What changes can I/will I make in order to improve things?
... I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.