Necessity is...

I  guess I will need to dust off the cobwebs and come back to what has worked for me for years, my blog.

You see, I have left Ravelry. They caused me harm and then called me a liar. I don't stand for either (and neither should you) so here I am. Back in my own space.

I want a place to keep track of things - recipes, crafts, life, and whatnot. I have been gone for a little over a year now. I have my reasons but they don't really matter anymore. 

Time to get back to my roots... welcome home!

Cattle calls...

Don't you love going somewhere in a large group - meaning roughly 10 people - and you have to do a simple meet and greet. It is a short affair. You are told to stand up, say what your end goal is, and why you should be the one to do it. Every anxious introvert's dream come true, right?

But you do it because this project is important to you. The first person doesn't follow the directions and gives a long dissertation that doesn't even answer the prompt. The second person, who is wearing jeans of all things to a gathering of professionals, gives a summary of her life which also doesn't answer the prompt and sits down.

You are next so you stand up, state your name, declare your end goal, and give a concise answer as to why you should be the one to do it.

The other members of the party continue on the diatribe format that does not answer the question but you are smiling and pretending to be engaged. You are mindful that your face doesn't say anything out loud that it shouldn't. You are faking interest and confidence.

Once it is over, you are reminded to turn your ringer back on so that you can receive their call back with an invitation to their assessment. You head to your car, turn your ringer on, and head home.

Almost 24 hours later and no call. So what is the take away here? Screw the directions and give a diatribe next time the situation presents itself? Your personality is rubbish and everyone disliked you? You orator skills suck and you should just give up?

I honestly don't know but I can tell you that it is disheartening to see how following the directions given is not what they actually wanted. All I can do is believe that I was meant for something else. I won't give up and I won't let it get me down. I have faith that what I am searching for is out there and will be arriving soon. I was simply meant for more.

Next time, though, could you just do this over the phone and save me the two hours of driving?  Thanks!

Random musings

I promised myself I would write more because I love writing. Not stories, per say, but writing in general. I just enjoy the act of putting pen to paper - or in the case, fingers to keys - and letting whatever random thoughts flow from my brain to the paper or screen. I laugh at what comes out because a lot of it is just random nonsense but sometimes, creative ideas come from random utter nonsense. I'm going to consider this multi-tasking and write my musings here...

Why are my glasses always dusty and why can't you simply blow the dust off? Why is it when you try to wipe the dust off, it becomes a smeary mess that required special wipey things to clean off properly?

When I was little, they didn't have the special wipey things to clean glasses so I would hand them to my mama when we were out - because I can't stand smudgy glasses - and she would lick the lens and use her shirt hem to clean them.

I have been known to do the same without thinking.. because thinking about doing it is just gross but in the moment, doesn't bother me at all.

I have been wearing glasses for 40 years.

I should design glasses for people with small nose bridges but full cheeks - the plight of my life in the bespectacled world.

I love my house being clean but I begrudge cleaning it because I know that Pokey and Hobbit are going to mess it up. Not on purpose or out of spite, just by living life. Messiness doesn't bother them like it does me. Messiness makes me physically mad. I think the phrase "living in a refugee camp" came out of my mouth last week - and I wasn't kidding because that is how it felt. I made Pokey help me clean it all up before he tucked into his game on his day off. Now I'm just trying to maintain it but working nights makes it harder than I thought it would since I am constantly exhausted.

I am not naturally a night person.

I applied for a new role. I meet all the desired qualifications, which are above and beyond the required qualifications. I hope I get it - though the interview process scares the snot out of me. Hi, I'm a random girl with social anxiety so let's spend the next 30 minutes to an hour focusing on me and what I have done in my life because that's not an area of life I suck in.

My off day outfits seem to simply consist of things I can't wear to work because of the guidelines. Today's ensemble: Twenty One Pilots grey tshirt with Trench yellow graphic of daisies and my black leggings with glittery gold Mickey head icons all over it. To me, it 'matches' and works... it's the gold that ties it all together.

I'm a boring cook. I have chicken thawing for supper and I have no idea what to do with it. Probably just going to bake it and slap BBQ sauce on it. It sounds good to me. I have the taste-buds of a toddler. I really want to eat at one of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants one day but I don't like poncy food so I would need to get a burger after we leave... because burgers are the world's most perfect food.

So, yeah... this is an exercise I try to do just to keep me writing. It is so easy for me to let my relaxation things go but in the end, it is those things that help keep my anxiety at bay. Writing, knitting, taking pictures - most anything I do creatively keeps me grounded and calm. I work in a role that is honestly a bit stressful so it is important to keep a balance, especially when you are in mandatory OT that has you working super long days on a schedule that is opposite of your normal body clock. It can all pile up until you feel overwhelmed so be sure that you take time for you... and now, a gratuitous collection of things that I have recently completed because no post is complete without a photo or two...

It is time

Chewy Chester Newman agrees - it's selfish crafting time

2019 is the year. I have decided. You can't change my mind. I'm doing it. It is the year that I am going to craft selfishly!

I say it every year but this year I mean it. I have spent the better part of my life crafting for everyone else but there are a few things I really want to make for me so I have decided that after 20+ years, I am finally going to do it and just use my crafting time for myself.

Okay, I admit it. I just can't be completely selfish... I will continue my charity crafting for the Disney Blanketeers but I am thinking a "one for one" system should work. For every thing I make for me, I will create one newborn hat to donate... or if I need to feel like I have actually accomplished something during a larger project, I will make a newborn hat. I honestly love participating in charity knitting so in a way, that is selfish... right?

But on the whole, my crafting is going to be for me... I promise... I mean it... this is the year... just look at my Ravelry queue... I'm totally serious...  Fine, I'm going to try... happy?

Too many babies

There has been minimal progress since my last shot.

I am about baby projected out. I have a blanket on my needles now that I am sloughing through the center of since it's corner to corner. I hope to finish that portion and hit the decreases with a vengeance tonight. It is for a coworker who I fear will not be returning once her fourth - a little girl after three boys - finally arrives. Her husband enlisted and was accepted into the Navy Seals so that's a whole new world for her. She is due in 10 weeks and I started it on June 22nd, so that is almost 7 weeks ago. Unless I pick up the pace, I'm going to be cutting it super close.

My husband came home the other night and informed me that his boss' wife is expecting her third child. He doesn't know if it's a boy or a girl and would I mind making something for him. Not knowing the gender makes things hard for me but he is my husband and I do love him so we all know that I will be making a blanket for the unknown future spawn. My challenge here is that I made an intricate lace blanket for his last boss who was pregnant. It is known by these people what I can do so I feel I must either repeat the same blanket or find something equally as challenging. I'll probably just do the same one since I know it and it is honestly fun to work on.

I also just learned that my daughter's former college roommate just learned she is expecting so I am debating if I should make her something. I only met her once and even though she is super sweet and my eldest really loves her, I know my mother made her a blanket already. Not sure if I am obligated to make something for her so I'm waffling on that front.

It isn't that I don't like baby stuff, I do. I have spent most of my time this past month and a half making baby hats for the Disney Blanketeers. I am just wanting a change of scenery for a bit. Maybe make something for a grown up or something for the holidays... yes, I said holidays... we are heading into the golden quarter so I need to make a few things for presents still that I have yet to start.

Oh well. At least I will be rewarded with baby photos enjoying whatever it is that I have made them. That sort of makes it worth it... sort of.

You'll never guess what I did!

Here, I'll give you a hint...

With my donation on Friday, I managed to log 101 Disney VoluntEAR hours already for the year! I am so over the moon proud of myself. I gave myself a goal of 100 hours this year. I had a lot going on and I wanted to challenge myself but thanks to some serious crafting during times when I didn't think I would able to, I was able to smash my goal with 5 months left in the year. All of my hours are from crafting and donating it all to the Disney BlanketEARS.

I'm feeling pretty dog gone good about myself right now.

Pickle ramblings

Have you ever landed yourself in a bit of a pickle and when you sit back and have to process it all, you really don't see how or why the pickle even came to be? Yeah, that seems to be me at the moment.

I didn't say or do anything that I haven't seen others say or do a million times over. Nothing is ever said to anyone else and yet, when I followed suit I was called out for it. How is it different coming from me as opposed to anyone else? Am I being held to a different standard? Have I offended in some fashion so now this is a personal tribunal against me? Am I somehow threatening in my ability to simple meet or sometimes even exceed the goals given to me? All of which should be a resounding no... and yet.

If a fish is judged on his ability to climb a tree he will always be a failure. It is apparently my turn to be a tree climbing fish. Good thing I believe in Evolution... because these flippers are gonna find their way to being feet and I will stand my ground.

On a yarnie note - I have completed the first quadrant of my Hue Shift Afghan and am plugging along on my second. Here are the most recent photos.

You have to excuse the horrible lighting on the second image. I took it in the lunchroom because that is where I have been getting most of my knitting done. Having a quick PopTart and then knitting, all while watching The West Wing on phone with headphones on. It makes for an amazing break in the day.

Speaking of days, my first day shift was today and I loved it. The only down side is that I really do enjoy my deskmate and she doesn't come in until there are only 45 minutes left in my shift. I do believe I will miss her while there aren't any extra hours available. At least when she does pick up overtime, she will come in early so that makes me selfishly happy.

I signed up for a Cast On Party at my LYS for next Friday. I am scared to death but I kind of want to go since I am getting off earlier now. The pattern is gorgeous and I'm going to get the yarn there so I'll be heading in a little earlier. I don't know if I will make it the entire two hours of the party but I want to try. I don't know a single soul. My best friend is coming in for a quick visit but she's leaving that day and Hobbit doesn't want to go with me because she believes she will be bored... and she's probably right. She could read though and just sit with me. Maybe I can bribe her with Starbucks... or maybe I can talk one of my work crafty friends into going with me. I have taught several of them how to crochet but this is knitting... I'll ask anyway.

I should go to bed. Tomorrow will be coming early. Pokey is off and I have to get up at 5 am for this new shift so I'm bone tired right now. It will take a few days to get in the swing of things but once my sleep patterns even out, it will be fabulous. A year on nights takes a while to turn off. My body believes it is midnight but it is just 21:34 as I write this, complete with heavy eyelids and burning eyes.

Tomorrow is my Thursday though so that is nice... and going in so early makes the day fly by too. Have a beautiful week. I have a good feeling I will be able to come back more and more regularly as things fall back into place.

Tree climbing fish and all.

One day more...

That's all that is left of my vacation... and it will be spent doing ALL of the chores I neglected since Monday. It has been wonderful though. Sleeping for a full 7 or 8 hours. Having pajama days. Playing my video game. Knitting. Nothing stupendous, just a whole lot of relaxing and taking it easy. It was exactly what I needed.

I did do a little today. We went into town and did some shopping, had a late lunch/early supper thing at Red Robin (yum), then I made the menu for the pay period, and went to the store. I did my shopping all alone with my headphones in and came home to help with bringing it in and putting it away. No one is hungry so dinner is just going to be grazing when you're hungry later... but it's already 8:15 pm so I doubt much grazing will be going on.

Tomorrow is laundry. Loads and loads of laundry. Not exciting but Pokey is home and has already promised to help with every load and I will make him keep that promise. No sleeping until 9:30 tomorrow. Hobbit is being picked up by my folks to run down to Peanut's apartment for the day and they'll be here around 8:30 am which means everyone needs to be up and functioning before then.

On an even happier note, I only have 10 more closing shifts and 1 mid shift left. I also only have 4 of my 15 hour shifts left on the books. I will be so happy when April 8th rolls around and my happy hiney will be walking out the door at 4 pm. I will be able to cook supper every night! It is going to be fabulous.

Almost, but not quite

In an effort to simplify my life lately, I have started doing a few things that I don't usually do. I delegate. I lower my standards for the help that is being given because they are helping and not everything has to be done my way in order to get done. I even tried out online grocery shopping with a big box store. That was an experience.

I planned my menu for the week, went through my pantry, and made my list accordingly. Then, I downloaded the app and 'went shopping'. That part was wonderful! No people. No awkwardness. No hunting for things. Just scroll and click. Everything I wanted was there and placed neatly in my virtual cart. I got to choose the pick up time and date too! Added bonus, it was free - no hidden "I bagged your stuff" fee or anything. So far so good.

I got a variety of items - frozen foods, dairy, and various sundries. I wanted to truly try it out so I even bought meats. What is the point of giving it a go if you don't truly let go of ALL the reigns, right? Well, this is where they missed the mark a little bit.

I purchased a chuck roast, chicken thigh pieces, and two roaster chickens. The roast isn't bad but it isn't marbled the way I like so I give that part average marks. The thigh pieces are really good but they were from Purdue so they couldn't truly mess that up because Purdue packages things great - even sizing and such. Here is where they really let me down... the roaster chickens. Again, name brand - Tyson - but the sizing was so off it looked like the chicken version of "Twins". I have one Arnold chicken who weighs almost 7 pounds and then I received one Danny chicken who is barely above three pounds. Who looks at that combination and says "Yeppers, that's perfect"?!? What I am going to do with midget chicken? I didn't even bother to freeze it because I figured I might could cook it up, shred it, and make BBQ chicken or something. It is just a sad little thing and I doubt there is much meat on it.

The pick up was a little slower than I anticipated but still pretty good. Said "Twins" chicken bled all over one container so the girl had to go in and get more bags to put stuff in because they hit the bottom of the crate and got chicken ick on them. She lacked personality but honestly, who am I to complain on that part because the entire reason I did this was so that I didn't have to interact with people. I'm sure most just sit in their car and let people toss it in their trunk and leave. I have to pack my SUV a certain way or else it irks me, so I got out to help.

Overall, I will do it again but I will be sure to not purchase meats and just go to my big box warehouse club store for it instead. The pricing truly is better.. and my chickens are all the same size.

We're all fine here

There is a slight case of hysteria regarding this storm and while I understand why people were concerned for the island areas, by the time it reaches us here in central Florida it really won't be much of anything.

Granted, I have been saying this at work for some time now. Those of us in Guest Services who are queue cleaners are scheduled until 11:45 pm because the phones close at 11 pm. We haven't been getting out before 2 am this week due to excessive hold times because people are panicking.

I wish I could say "Look, it's going to rain on one day during your vacation. Nothing to see here. Nothing to worry about. We're all fine here now. See you soon." - just send that out in a massive email so things will get back to normal. As it stands, we are in *voluntear mode for extra hours and if people don't sign up, we'll go into voluntold mode and I don't like that so I'm on the books for 12 hour days until mid-October... joy.

Pray for the islands. Pray for the coastal region where she'll come in and make landfall. Those of us inland, we'll be just fine. Promise.

*Yes, I spelled it that way on purpose because at Disney, we do voluntEAR.

Hand crafters unite

Why do random people on the internet feel the need to judge others, say nasty things to complete strangers, and act like a bunch of - please, forgive me but I know no better word to describe them - asshats? Why?

Earlier tonight, I was on a friend's page where they were showing off some hand stitch work they were doing. There was a comment regarding how what was said had to be the least heterosexual sentence ever utter or some such nonsense - as he is male and INSANELY talented in the hand craft department. Knitting, crochet, sewing, embroidery, weaving, spinning - just a creative genius and I am in awe of how his brain works and his hands create.

Anywho, I made a comment about how this person should have said that to my Poppaw because he was an amazing hand crafter - he even sewed my mother's wedding dress! There was nothing he couldn't do with his hands. Woodworking, carpentry, stained glass art, sewing.. I could go on and on. He was just so creative and talented. He passed when I was just 11 but the most vivid memory I have is going down his rainbow carpeted stairs to the basement (every stair was done in a different color carpet because they were remnants used) to where he kept all of his craft things. When he was working - and he was big bear of a man who otherwise intimidated me - he would whistle the most beautiful tunes. I loved to watch him and listen to him. He didn't speak much but never minded me sitting near by and just watching.

Upon my making the statement, this person states congratulations on your grandfather being gay. How flippant and rude! It is difficult for me to stand up to these kinds of things but she was insulting my friend and now she was insulting me and my departed grandfather so, with shaking hands, I went there. I told her that it was wrong of her to use that word as a derogatory weapon, as an insult. Her response was that she was gay and she meant it as a compliment. I told her that she did not and was simply trying to backpedal her way out of the nastiness she just spewed. To that, she responded with a most lovely comment about me being a delight and something about having a goodnight, pumpkin... and I'm not proud but my final response was "And up yours too".

Her comments have since been deleted and I deleted my own sans the original one regarding my grandfather making my mama's wedding dress... but I still can't believe someone would be so nasty to a complete stranger. What did she get out of that? Did she feel somehow superior? Did she think she was being witty or pithy? I will never understand the nastiness that resides on social media. Anyway, here... enjoy one of my favorite songs because if crafts and music can't lift your spirits then nothing will... except maybe chocolate. Chocolate fixes everything.

You do you

Why do some people create drama? I remember reading somewhere that children of alcoholics and abusive families create chaos because they don't know how to function in a world of peace and understanding. They function better and feel more at ease when their surrounds are in a constant state of upheaval - to the point that they will create drama where there is none simply so that they can feel comfortable.

When you have to spend a quarter of the year - that is 573.75 hours of your life - shut off from the world in a room with the same 10 people, you need to learn to adapt to a variety of personalities. Some you may like and get along with, others you may not, but there is never a need to whisper falsehoods in the shadows.

All I can do is feel sorry for you. To have a self esteem so shattered that you need to create strife in hopes that chaos will ensue and you will either be the victorious fixer or the empathetic victim. The thing you never calculated in to your equation is that there will always be the one person who does not bite. I am that person.

I will not partake in the petty whispers. I will not listen and I will not share. Iron sharpens iron so if I am not one to sit in the quiet moments with you, you are not made of "stronger stuff". I am not mad at you for what you have done. I simply feel sorry for you that you believe you have to do it. I pray for you - and I have been since that first day when so much negativity came forth. I tried to befriend you but your evil words and ugliness just made me feel horrible. So I quietly became busy and slipped away. I didn't say anything ugly or do anything evil. I simply was not there... and you have decided to whisper in the shadows in an attempt to create chaos.

I am 44, not 4. I have been graduated from such childish things for quite some time. Yes, initially, I was angry... hurt... annoyed... and then I took a deep breath and thought about it on my drive home. That is when I simply felt sorry for you.

While I was raised with the understanding that you are known by the company you keep, I will not keep company with you. I do not want to be painted with your same brush. I will, however, pray for you. I will, however, wish you well. I will not speak ill of you. In all actuality, I will not acknowledge you in anything less that a professional manner.

We are not friends. We are colleagues. I am an adult. You can choose to continue to whisper in your shadows and wait for the inevitable to catch up with you or you may simply stand up, come into the light, and be an adult too.

The choice is yours.

My gracious!

What a week it has been. The first week back from a vacation is always hard but this one has seemed abundantly so, for various reasons. Some I can share, some I can share in time, and some I may just need to allow to slip away with time because they don't hold any value - to me or you, as there is no lesson to be learned or shared. They were just moments of nastiness that happen and it is always best to just let them go and not allow them to sink in and become a part of the fabric of your soul.

I had a lovely surprise on Monday this week - an unexpected day off! I must have known that I was going to need an extra to recuperate because I headed in to work at 5 am and did not even notice I wasn't supposed to be there until 7 am. Once I did notice though, I debated for a hot minute as to whether or not I would rescind my PTO or just take it... and I took it. I put Hobbit on the bus and took the day to get the house back in order and just relax. I even inadvertently took a nap!

Tuesday, I received some unfortunate news but that is a message for a different day. Tuesday night is the blessing I want to focus on, and oh what a blessing it was! Hobbit was chosen to deliver her TEDx speech for the school competition. Now, to stress how much of an honor this was just to get to the school competition, let me outline the process really quickly. Each teacher has six classes and from those six classes, they had to chose two students - from their combined student total - to send to the school competition. So out of roughly 150 kids, the teacher could only nominate two to move on to the school competition. Hobbit was one of those two for her Language Arts teacher!

There appeared to be 4 6th graders, 3 7th graders, and 9 8th graders who earned the honor of presenting their speeches. The topic was "Taking a Stand"... and guess what...

My precious baby girl won 1st Place and is on her way to District presentations!

We are so stinking proud of her! One of the judges was a local news producer and she gushed over how poised, elegant, articulate, and fabulous she was. She said that Hobbit just blew everyone else out of the water, she was so magnificent. They said their awe was multiplied even further when they found out she was just in 6th grade! The Cambridge Director (prestigious program where the kids can take classes and work towards college credits from the Cambridge University in Great Britain) came over and asked why she wasn’t in the program and “oh by the way”, she was granted approval for her to go in for 7th grade (apparently unheard of - I overheard that all her teachers, the principal, and assistant principal all wrote letters of recommendations for her!). Her teacher and the assistant principal were fawning all over her after she won, telling her how proud they were of her, and how they knew how awesome she was but even they were gobsmacked over her presentation.

My little girl, who is only 11, beat out kids who were up to 13 years old! The other kids all applauded her and congratulated her. She cried because she hears all the time from us how smart she is (think Sheldon Cooper, that’s her - even down to missing the social queues) but to hear it from everyone else was just amazing to her. She said that maybe she should start believing how smart she is… and she really is… like, the highest you can score on the test for placement into the gifted program is 145… she scored 144 and once she explained her reasoning (in 3rd grade when she was tested), the person understood why she answered the one question as she did which prompted that question to be thrown out of future testing due to her “argument” of it being invalid. Although, being as she is, she’s been targeted by bullies and had a very rough go of it in school which this year has caused some challenges. So needless to say, this win was huge!

Wednesday I just enjoyed having the day off of work. I started a shawl with yarn that my best friend left for me to use. I am going to send it to her when I'm done. I have been working on it off and on, even during church this morning... church, wow... but I'll share that in a few minutes. I will, however, share the progress of the shawl right now though.

The pattern is Henslowe by Beth Kling and the yarn is Unisono by Zitron in colorway 1260.

I am interested to see how this yarn plays out. There is some burgundy in there as well that I just haven't gotten to but I am thinking it will be coming into play here soon when I finish that delicious chocolate brown.

Thursday and Friday were just blurred together for various reasons, some good and some not so good but like I said, I will share in time. To gauge how the day was, it required a lot of the following to help get me through...

I murdered some tea this past week. I got an electric kettle for the office so that helped. Sweet & white for the win, always.

Yesterday, Hobbit came down with a cold so I ended up going to visit my folks solo. Pokey stayed home with her and I got some Mama and Daddy time. The first thing we did...

It's still a little strange not seeing my beautiful blue locks!

I know, crazy right! Where is the blue?!? It's been there for over a year now - yes, a whole year I have rocked blue hair. I know it wasn't a favorite look for my mama or my husband, honestly, but it was something I needed to do for me. It was crazy and daring and did you know that the shade of blue I chose was the same as the ribbon color for social anxiety? I didn't either when I chose but I thought it was super appropriate afterwards. My natural hair color is more of an ash strawberry blonde but I didn't want to bleach my hair again so I went a shade or two darker with "natural light auburn" to make sure that the blue was covered and didn't pop out green. It took one bottle for my hair and two for my blue section but I think overall it looks nice. Just going to take some getting used to again.

Then I got to sit and knit with my mama before I had to leave to get back home. I had made a mistake with my shawl while I was anxiety knitting in Cracker Barrel waiting for my husband to show up on Friday night. I don't know what I did but I managed to make a perfect circular hole in a spot just left of center. I believe I may have knit and pulled it over without actually dropping the stitch. Either way, I couldn't figure out how to fix it so I brought it with me to show my mama who can fix anything.

"Here, you work on mine while I fix yours".

Yep, that's what happened. She handed me her yellow baby sweater and I knit on it while she frogged and picked up all the stitches back to before the mess up. I am not good at picking them back. I can fix a dropped stitch without a challenge but since there was nothing dropped, I was just lost. I was ripping it out slowly, thinking I might could put it back together but she offered so we traded. I love knitting with my mama. It is honestly one of my most favorite parts of any visit... just sitting quietly in the room together, my daddy reading and us doing some kind of handicraft.

That brings me to today.. and church. Man oh man, what a message. You see, I haven't found a church home in town so I started "attending" Lakewood Church. Yes, the Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas which is home to Pastor Joel Olsteen. I love his messages and I always walk away refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated for the week. When Pastor Joel is away, Pastor John Gray steps in and man, that man is ate up with the Spirit, let me tell you! I watched service last night and Saturday services are relaxed. The messages are still good and on point but just more relaxed - jeans, etc. Well, I sat down for early service today with my knitting in hand and I was curious if the message was going to be different. It wasn't, actually. It was the same message but interestingly enough, while I did listen to it last night, I actually heard it this morning. As Pastor John said, I am in a moment and it is "the moment before the moment". My moment is coming but this is the moment before the moment when I should work on those little indicator light items so I am right and ready for my moment. Oh yes, I heard him loud and clear - to the point that I had tears in my eyes because he was hitting everything on the head for me. It is amazing what happens when we hear instead of just listen. Have mercy. So I plan on getting right and ready. Realizing it was 90% of it for me. Execution will not be easy but if I stay mindful, I will be alright. I know, it sounds cryptic right now and I am sorry for that but I promise, there will be a time when you will collectively go "oooooohhhhhh, I get it."

So that was my week. I am excited for this week. I really am. I am hopeful, expectant, and passionately positive about the road before me this week. It is mine for the taking and I plan on planting a sign in the middle of it with my name on it. Look out World, here I come!

It's dusty in here...

My gracious, it's amazing how quickly the dust piles up when you step away from a place for a bit. Let's shake some of the cobwebs off and tidy up, I believe it's time to get back to it.

How have you been? Good? I hope so. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you know I have kept myself busy. I admit that my creative mojo for the writing side of myself just went on vacation. I honestly felt like I didn't have anything to say. It was an odd feeling, really. One minute I am writing and the next, nothing. It wasn't a "block", I just went through a spell where I thought most of what I thought was not worthy of the act of me putting pen to paper to share.

Whelp, today I am home sick... and I just felt like I had something to say. Not that I was home sick, that's not really newsworthy, but I had things that I wanted to share. I didn't make any promises to try last year, at least not any that I care to go looking for to see if I accomplished any of them and then write the mundane post stating I either did/didn't/fib and claim I did complete. This year, my only promise is to do one thing a month that scares me. Allow me to explain.

If you've been around for a while, you know that I have social anxiety/panic attacks. You also know that they annoy the snot right out of me. I know they are illogical but they are something that I cannot control. As John Nash stated, the brain is a muscle and it just needs proper training - I think that is how it goes anyway. So anyway, my goal this year - my promise to try - is about doing one thing a month that scares me... and in January, I did and today, I'm doing it again by writing this post. Two months completed, like a boss.

What did I do last month? I drove almost three hours to attend a workshop that I paid for to be taught colorwork techniques from Franklin Habit! When I saw that he was going to be at A Good Yarn Sarasota, I told my husband about it who said without blinking "Sign up and go. Ask your mother if she'd like to go and we'll get her a ticket to it too". Did you see what he did there? He was doing what he does best, looking out for me. You see, if I have at least one person with me then I can usually get through things that scare me. Without them knowing, they hold me accountable for showing up... for completely showing up... because I don't want to let them down. Long story short, my mama didn't want to go because it was too far for her and she's awesome at colorwork so it wouldn't have been of value to her. I bought my ticket anyway and had a month to prepare myself.

I made one of Franklin's patterns to wear when I met him. A quiet nod to a fangirl moment. The man is so very talented and I have been a follower of his career since way back in the days of his blog, "The Panopticon", so we're talking about 12 years or so. I had already learned so much from him so to be able to sit in a room and be taught by him was a dream come true. So I decided to knit up the Centura Tam and wear it. Living in Florida, you just never know what the weather is going to do in the winter but a tam is always fashionable and never too stifling.

While I was working on the tam, I was daydreaming about what the session was going to be like. I had never taken a workshop for anything before so it was uncharted territory. I knew we would be knitting in the workshop because we had to bring two contrasting skeins of yarn, size appropriate needles, tapestry needle, and pen/paper for notes. I finished my tam and had it blocked and ready to go a week before the big day. That was poor judgement on my part because now I had a week to worry. I packed my bag for the event and put it by the door with my tam... and I looked at it for 6 days and nights, in fear of the unknown.

The drive down wasn't bad. Class started at 10 am so I left the house at 6:45 am because it was a rainy morning. I made it an hour down the road and I pulled into a McDonald's, contemplating turning around. Instead, I told myself, "Take 5 minutes. Get some breakfast. You have plenty of time." So I did just that. When I was done, I got back in the car and continued down the road. I arrived almost an hour early because it was 1) early on a Sunday and 2) the weather kept most folks tucked inside where it was warm and dry. So I sat in my car for a few minutes and that old familiar feeling crept up. I started my car to head home because I couldn't go in there. I felt like I was going to die and tears were welling up in my eyes. I took a deep breath and told myself, "Get some coffee. Take  5 minutes at a Starbucks and get yourself a treat. If you still feel like going home, okay". So I did. When my order was up, I got back in my car and drove back to the yarn shop.

There I sat. I paid for this class. I wanted to go, I really did. I was just so scared. I ran through my checklist countdown, it helped a little. Then I made a deal with myself. If I went inside, I could leave after 5 minutes if I really wanted to. That seemed fair to me. I grabbed my stuff and toddled inside. I found a seat - front row, end closest to the door. I sat down and made note of the time. I didn't unpack anything, I just sat there... breathing and willing myself not to cry. A woman with the kindest face on the planet asked to sit next to me. I smiled. I couldn't speak for fear of crying so I smiled and nodded while I busied myself in my bag so I didn't have to look at her. My time was up. I made it 5 minutes and I didn't die.

I was getting up to go because it was just honestly too much for me that morning when in walks Franklin. The person I drove all this way to see and learn from. The person who I had been telling my friends that I would die to be able to spend just an hour sitting at his feet and learning how he makes such gorgeous things. He was here. Now. In the room. I was mid sit/stand and he just smiled at me, saying "Good morning". I'm sure I looked a fool. Right then, I told myself, "Okay, 5 more minutes and if you still feel like your heart is going to explode then you can leave".

I must tell you, I am very sneaky with myself because there was no way I was going to get up in the middle of one of the most creative soul's lessons and just rudely leave. I would be mortified and I would never forgive myself. I cut myself a lot of slack but not this time. So I got my stuff out and tended to getting myself organized for class with the renegotiated option of leaving during the first break - which ultimately turned out to be lunch at 1 pm. Okay. The halfway point in the day. Umm, yeah. I can do that. I will be knitting after all so it's not like I have to be a social butterfly and everyone is there to see him, not me. I can bet that no one will even remember that I was there - except for the sweet faced woman who sat next to me and kept talking to me which was incredibly difficult for me because I just am not good at small talk. I'm sure she thought I was an odd duck but she was kind enough to not make note of it directly to me.

The first lesson was underway and we all made great progress. Intarsia. Interesting technique - tons of ends to weave in! I like the result though. After that, we moved on to speed swatching colorwork in the round. This was fun and challenging. It was at this point that he offered us up a quick five minute break to stretch or do whatever... and he spoke to me. Now, if I was going to leave, this would be my prime time to do it because it was busy with people mulling about and no one would know... except Franklin, who was standing in front of me. Nervous and out of sorts, I blurted out, "I made your hat pattern" and whipped the tam off my head, shoving it in his face. He politely admired it and stated how he had never seen anyone make it before, complimented my stitchwork, and even honored me with this...

Franklin Habit and my Centura Tam in MadelineTosh DK, Night Hawk

I was horribly nervous so pardon the blurry photo. My hands were shaking but he was so kind. He even told me to be sure and tag him on my Instagram post - which I did and he liked it. By the time that was all done, we were back to work. I didn't have a chance to leave. I renegotiated back to my original lunch escape and got back to work on making sure my "smiles" were loose enough to allow my swatch to sit flat.

Lunchtime came and we had an hour. By now I was feeling a bit more comfortable, though eating in front of others always unhinges me. It has my entire life. What do you do with an anxious kid, stick her in a huge noisy room full of other kids who spend their days picking on her and force her to eat. Yeah, it was one of my worst childhood nightmares come to life in my adult years. To distract myself, I asked permission to shop in the store since it was closed. Sue, the owner, said that since we were there for the class that we could definitely shop in the store. I wandered around a bit because it wasn't my beloved Four Purls in Winter Haven so I didn't know how things were laid out. Then I remembered that Sharon had dyed exclusive colorways for them back when she owned Three Irish Girls so I went looking for them. I decided on two skeins of Octopus's Garden - even though it is grammatically incorrect and that drives me buggy.

Three Irish Girls - Octupus' Garden - Adorn Luxe Sock, 430 yards per skein

Yeah, I know I corrected it in the image caption because, I told you, it was grammatically incorrect and driving me buggy. I also picked up Franklin's coloring book "I Dream of Yarn", which he later autographed for me. I used it yesterday during long hold sessions and a conference call. It is fabulous!

After lunch, we moved on to finishing up our stranded colorwork and headed into garter stitch stranded, which is quite interesting. I have still not yet decided if I like it but I saw the possibilities of what it would be good for and they looked amazing on his sample. Before I knew it, the day was done. I made it! Here are the results of my day...

Clockwise from top right: Intarsia cabin, Stranded speed swatch pattern, and Garter Stitch Stranded pattern.

After the day was done, I went up to ask him if he would sign my book and he said “Of course, Amy - right?” We didn’t have name tags or do any introductions in the class at all - and even if we did, this was 7 hours later. He knew me from interactions on Instagram and Facebook. He had said that he always remember people by their names on Facebook and so some women he calls by their full names because they have it on there… then we laughed about my initials. He said that it was awesome to have them like that. When I was all packed up and ready to go, he was surrounded by a group of women and I simply smiled and waved, mouthing thank you to him, and he said “Goodbye, Amy. It was so nice to see you”.

Of course, once I got in my car and was parked back in the Starbucks parking lot down the road, I had a little cry because it was just too much anxiety for the day. The sweet faced lady next to me just kept talking to me and I tried to do small talk but, like I said, I’m not good at it… but I did it, I think. I hope. When I got home, I wrote Franklin a thank you note and then kissed my husband and my daughter and went straight to bed after a quick bite. I was completely spent!

The next morning, I posted my little swatches of courage on my bulletin board above my desk. They are there to remind myself that you never know what you are capable of doing if you just hang on for the next 5 minutes.

Here, Mojo... Where are ya, girl?

Have you ever lost your mojo? Be it at work, at home, or in your creative life? Yeah, me too. Actually, I'm currently sans mojo in several areas. I think it is because I am just bone weary and am in desperate need of a break. I won't be getting one any time soon so I have been looking for ways to recapture it. I thought I would share with you what I have been up to in order to find my elusive mojo.

1. Daydream - Yep, you read that right. Sometimes, when I have lost the juice that gets me going, I daydream about what I would rather be doing and then finish up so I can go do what I've daydreamed about. It may sound silly but it works some days. If I'm at work and I'd rather be baking a lemon loaf, I tell myself that if I can get "x amount" done in "x amount" of time, I can go do what I would rather do.
2. List It All - I love lists. They help me get things done. If I write a list, I get the joy and complete satisfaction of crossing said thing off of said list. Think I'm crazy? Try it. You will be surprised how excited you feel to look at your list that consists of things such as "make bed", "wash/fold/put away colors", and "cook supper" is completely scratched through.
3. Plan for Some Day - I do this a lot. I plan for that vacation that I can't take just yet. I order materials online, watch videos, and price out different scenarios. Sometimes, it just feels good to know that your dream vacation can be created even if you can't take it just it. Plus, it gives you a good idea about how much money you'll need which may spur you on in the work front.
4. Pull a Nike and Just Do It - Oh yeah, I have just grinded through things - chores, crafting, work - just to get it done and over with in hopes that the feeling of accomplishment will miraculously make me feel productive and regain my mojo. It rarely does but when it does, it generally spurs me on to bigger and better things.

So yeah, that is my little list of things that I do to find my mojo. I have tried a few of them this past week to get my sweet mojo back... they haven't worked but I did try. I plan on trying again on Monday because nothing says motivation like the definition of insanity per Albert Einstein.

What all do you do when you're mojo has gone on vacation?

Swap Etiquette

It's my own fault. I assumed people would put as much pride, thought, and consideration into the box coming to me as I put into the box going to my partner. I should have known better and yet, I continue to hold out hope that one day, I too will receive an awesome tailor made box.

So, I thought that perhaps the best way to do this would be to share my latest experience. This is not meant as anything mean spirited, and those who actually know me will understand this. It is simply informational.

To be a good swapper, you can start by actually reading the questionnaire filled out by the person you have been paired up with. I will use my own answers to help illustrate this aspect so as to not highlight others without permission to use their responses.

1. What kind of yarns/fibers do you prefer? If the person answers that they like items that are soft and squishy, accompanied by examples such as Three Irish Girls, Malabrigo, and Knit Picks then you should take heed. Sending scratchy, course yarn is not what the person said they enjoyed.

2. What are you favorite colors and combinations at the moment? Should the person answer that they love all colors but are really enjoying blues and greys at the moment, try not to send items in a rough acrylic yarn the color palette of animal droppings deep in the forest or poorly circulated appendages.

3. What is your favorite treat to eat? When the person lists two specific flavors - either combined or separate - then get those two flavors. This is cut and dry, whether you know me or not - peppermint and chocolate. It's in my name for heaven's sake. Any combination or separate will work. Hard sour candy in bitter biting flavors is not the same thing... at all.

4. What is your favorite hot beverage? Should the person answer that they love peppermint hot chocolate or decaf black teas, then that is what you should strive to find. French Vanilla is the antithesis of what was stated and herbal teas with flavors of maple (seriously, not kidding) apple cider or spiced cinnamon are nowhere near the mark.

5. Do you have any allergies? This is the most important one. Those of us with asthma and allergies clearly state that we have them. We do not try to be coy because we do not want to be sick. Yes, yes there are allergies. Severe allergies coupled with asthma. It is clearly explained that heavy scents can not be tolerated, as they will make me sick.. and yet, the items arrived with a stench so strong I was physically ill. Essential Oils, moth balls, and cedar are so pungent that the two skeins of scratchy yarn and the bag sent are currently living in the laundry room to "air out". It is doubtful that unskeining and soaking will help at all as the odor is still lingering in my living room even more than 12 hours after the fact.

The box you are creating is not for you. It is for the person who took the time to fill out the questionnaire. You could hate everything that you are putting into the box but if you know that it fits the bill to the person who is receiving it, that is the only thing that matters.

If you only take one thing away from this post, let it be this - a swap is not for you, it is for the person you receive. It is a moment in time where you do something selfless for the pure and simple reason that it will make another person happy. If you run a swap, don't defend the obvious bad swapper. Make it right. Talk to the bad swapper and let them know how they failed so they can be a better swapper in the future. Don't simply dismiss it and tell the person who received the obviously bad box that you are sorry it wasn't want the person had hoped for... all a swap participant should hope for is a box that was carefully created to make the recipient feel loved.

If you can look at the questionnaire and check off a few things that match what was stated by the person who is going to receive the box, then you have done a good job. If you can't, then your heart was not in the right place. As for the box of items I received...

The books are being donated to the library to bring joy to those who enjoy those kinds of books. The yarn is being donated to the Salvation Army stores, as is the messenger bag simply because I can not get the odor out of them. Hopefully, someone else will be able to gain some joy from them as well. The candy was given to my husband to try. The cocoa and teas were thrown out because no one thought they sounded good. The mug is in the cupboard and the deck of torn up cards was discarded. The cowl is being worn by Hobbit though I am going to throw it in the wash momentarily, in hopes of getting the smell out.

This was a disappointing week - both on a professional and personal front - and I was honestly looking forward to receiving a little box with a few treasures to brighten my day. Unfortunately, I did not receive that at all... I have never felt more unimportant or nonexistent. It is a sad but apparently fitting end to the week.

Here's to a better week ahead...

I can see the light!

I can seriously see the light at the end of the moving tunnel. There are a few kinks that need to be worked out (like how I did not move anything to hold our movie collection!) but overall, it's coming together nicely.

Last week was a very exciting one for us... and since it's Sunday, why not start up one of my favorite themes - Sunday Snaps! Here we go...

It's summer so it rains every afternoon...

Literally, every afternoon... but some days we get gorgeous rainbows too!

I was able to buy Pokey his first ever brand new car... and he absolutely adores it. Look at that face.

To say thanks, he bought me a new SUV! I just love him - and my new wheels!

We found some really great local eateries. It's like a foodies paradise here. This place was amazing. Kafe Kokopelli, try it!

I got a new shirt and it couldn't be more true... lol.

Tinkerbell really wasn't much help but she is okay with that...

and today, I finished organizing and unpacking my office. The house is 95% done. Just need Hobbit to finish her room.

As soon as that happens, I'll go and do the follow up to the initial empty house video and share how I've filled it all out. Hopefully it won't be too much longer... but for now, I'm quite pleased with how things have been going.

I hope your week was wonderful. What have you been up to?

Because he deserves it

He's done everything for us - I want to do this for him.

Today we are headed to the Toyota dealership and are praying hard. You see, my husband's AC went out in his car about two years ago. Normally, in normal states where summer is only 3-4 months long, it wouldn't be a big deal. Initially, he didn't think it was a big deal. We lived on the coast, the breezes were plentiful and his drive was 10 minutes to work. Now, we are further inland, there are no Gulf breezes to be found and his drive is 17 minutes... and really flipping hot. By the time he gets home in the evenings, he is dripping wet - and he was born here in Florida!

So, yesterday we went to the Nissan dealership because they had a promotion that sounded interesting. Now keep in mind, I am the negotiator in these things because I walk in and lay it all bare - this is what we're trading in, we aren't putting anything down, and I want the payments between here and here. He hates car shopping but he needs a new one so you will deal with me. He will drive it and decide if he likes it but otherwise, you will deal with me. What can you do for us? - and see what happens. I hate being jerked around and my husband thinks all sales people are out to stick it to you. This is the one place where my social anxiety doesn't seem to kick in because I have my husband with me and he always tells me little things like "you are so good at this" etc which gives me confidence... and my daddy taught me how to buy a car so I am not afraid to just get up and walk away.

He's the goofy center of our little universe.

Anyway, the Nissan dealership, after swearing they could do what we wanted and it was no problem at all, came back with numbers that were over $200 more than what I stated - so we got up and walked away. After 4.5 hours, Pokey was so over it and so on the ride home - because we took both cars - I called the Toyota dealership because they have a loyalty program. He bought his car there from the used lot and I got mine there too. His is a Chevy though and mine is a Toyota. So I called, to see what was up with it and let the girl know that my husband - in all of his 46 years - has never owned a new car and I really wanted to do this for him. I explained what we just went through and how frustrated he was at the moment. She told me to go and fill out a pre approved credit application online when we got home, text her that I had it done, and she would check with her manager to make sure it was doable. I did what I was told and she called me back, telling me she could do it without a challenge and the payments would be right inside my range (only slightly higher than my lowest number too!).

Well, I made an appointment today and I'm taking him down there at 11. It won't be odd for us to go to the Toyota dealership because I told him that my breaks were squeaking and I wanted them looked at. I told him that I called on the way home and we had an appointment on Sunday at 11. He doesn't know that I can get him a new Toyota and the reason my car is going too is because if he wants something besides a Camry, Corolla, or RAV4 then I'll trade in my car too because since my car is a Toyota, I can get anything from the lot.

His only requirement is AC... mine is that he finally gets a new car and one that he likes, not a compromise, because he deserves it.

It's getting there...

My living room has an awesome fireplace. I absolutely love it.

Slowly but surely, it's getting there. We moved 8 days ago and my house still isn't fully unpacked. This irks me to no end because I know my mother would be done by now. She's a guru when it comes to moving. She boxes it all up, hauls it across the country, unboxes and even bakes something within three days. I wish I could be more like her.

I have a laundry list of reasons I could blame it on - my knee, my job, lack of funds to do certain things - but the reality is, I just run out of steam. I unpack a room and I like to bask in the glory of it's completeness. If I move my head just right, I won't see those other boxes in that other room that need to be unpacked.

My craft nook is just the coziest place in the planet, isn't it!

Right now, my living room is done. So is the craft nook and the kitchen. Those are 100% complete - sans new blinds but we're doing that across the whole house so I am not counting that. The dining room has a few stray items in it that shouldn't be there, as does our bedroom. The office... well... that is just a hot mess but I will get to it next weekend when I have time. The bathrooms are both done - complete with new carpets, towels, and shower curtain in the guest bath.

I am sure it will all get done at some point - but unfortunately, it won't happen with just my wishing it so. I really do wish it worked that way... or maybe a cute little nosey twitch followed by some "dinky dinky dink" music... or folding my arms across my chest one at a time and flipping my ponytail over my head followed by a "dooooing" noise... how about a bit of wingardium leviosa?

Oh well. It's getting there. Slowly but surely, it's getting there.

New Beginnings!

So many new and exciting things are afoot at the PMM household - new house, new job description, new school. It's just been crazypants. If you follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook then you are pretty well caught up.

I do believe with this new role - the one thing that I couldn't post on any of those accounts - I will have more time to get back to writing. I have missed it terribly but the QA position just honestly sucked the life right out of me. By the time my day was done, I wanted to do nothing but sit in my chair and knit. I didn't want to talk or do much of anything. I'm actually looking forward to starting my new position when I go back to work on Wednesday. I am assuming I have training during those first few days but we'll see - I honestly haven't been told anything before I left on PTO on Thursday afternoon.

The move had gone pretty well, all things considered. They brought a truck that was too small to fit all our things! I can't tell you how thankful I was to have spent the week prior hauling boxes over here. I can't imagine what would have been left if we hadn't done it. All of the big heavy furniture was carried over yesterday so there is just odds and ends left at the old house. Pokey is over there now gathering it up and cleaning for the key return on Tuesday.

I honestly should be unpacking but Buddy and Tinkerbell are both underfoot so I took a few moments to just sit with them and help calm them down... so since I was sitting, I really wanted to dust things off in here. I've missed this space so much!!

While I was gone, I did finish a few things...

I free-flow designed a cowl that Hobbit promptly claimed for herself...

I designed this capelet, which was inspired by one Claire Fraser wears in Outlander during the Boar Hunting episode...

And I finished my second ever full pair of socks! Hobbit claimed these too... little stinker.

I've got to get to finishing that baby blanket I've been working on during the move. Pokey needs it for next Saturday afternoon to attend his boss' baby shower that his coworkers are throwing. He's already agreed to an IOU and a store bought something if I'm not done by this Friday... thank goodness.

Okay, time to get back to unpacking. I'll pop in soon with photos of the new place or maybe a video tour!