I'm sorry... what now?

This is getting ridiculous. I am not going to ask forgiveness or apologize for the color of my skin - just as I would NEVER ask anyone else to do so. I am not going to seek out designers based on the color of their skin - white, black, brown, purple, or green. I am not going to seek out designers based on their physical or mental abilities either... or their age... or where they live... or any other non-issue factor because when you do that, you are still being discriminatory.

I base my decisions on the product at hand, on the beauty of the design, and on the price versus quality for which the product is being offered. Those are my deciding factors. I don't need to know about anything else, just as the seller doesn't need to know those things about me.

Can you imagine walking into a store and asking if the maker of the product was of a specific ethnic background? Would you ask if the designer of the product had any physical or mental challenges? Could you even fathom asking about what the person did behind closed doors in their own bedroom? I should hope not - because those things have absolutely no baring on whether or not the product that caught your eye is worth the price they are asking for it. The item is something you want, you have the funds, then purchase it. Plain and simple.

If you like it, buy. If you don't, don't buy it. The rest of the story is not something that has any weight in the process. Buying from a person because of the color of their skin is just as disgusting as not buying for the same reason. You show honor and respect for the item which, in turns, bestows honor and respect to the one who created it.

I grew up in Alabama. I know racism. I have seen it first hand. This is so not that. Stop it... and while we're at, stop apologizing for things out of your control. I have no privilege. My husband and I work our tails off to afford our little apartment and our cost of living bills. We have decent jobs with decent benefits. He has been working his backside off since he was 16 - 30 years grinding it out to get where he is today. I went to college (paid for by grants, scholarships, and student loans which I am STILL paying back), earned my degree - with honors because I worked hard for it, and have spent the past 25 years working nonstop. I am not yet where I want to be but I know what work that needs to be put in to get there and I am dedicated to doing it. No one has handed me anything. No one has handed our kids anything or my husband anything. We WORKED for it and we are WORKING for it.

I know this post has more than likely ruffled some feathers but I needed to get it off my chest. The events of late have ruffled mine. It is like the world is constantly looking for ways to be offended. I would rather look for ways to celebrate. Seek out the beauty in the world and if you can't find it, create it. The only way things will be as those who are causing this mess wish for them to be is to actually stop calling attention to the aspects that do not play a part in any of it - instead of looking for a black/brown/green/purple/white designer, just look for a designer. Instead of looking for a gay/lesbian/transgender artist, just look for an artist. I know you may think you are somehow rising above all when you call out these aspects of an individual but in reality, there is no need to call them out at all.

A person is a person. A designer is a designer. An artist is an artist. 

No one cares that I am a married, heterosexual, middle-aged, white woman with a mental challenge who earns just enough to keep her outside of the Federal poverty lines. When I step outside my door, I don't introduce myself as such - and neither does anyone else. We, as a society, need to stop pointing out every little thing and simply look at the bigger picture. A person is more than the sum of their parts. We seem to have forgotten that and spend the vast majority of our time and energy now dissecting and shining a spotlight on the parts instead of viewing the beauty of the whole person.

Race doesn't matter. Sexual orientation doesn't matter. Religion doesn't matter. The quality of the craftsmanship, the beauty of the design, the value of the product versus the price... this is what matters.

Period.

It is time

Chewy Chester Newman agrees - it's selfish crafting time

2019 is the year. I have decided. You can't change my mind. I'm doing it. It is the year that I am going to craft selfishly!

I say it every year but this year I mean it. I have spent the better part of my life crafting for everyone else but there are a few things I really want to make for me so I have decided that after 20+ years, I am finally going to do it and just use my crafting time for myself.

Okay, I admit it. I just can't be completely selfish... I will continue my charity crafting for the Disney Blanketeers but I am thinking a "one for one" system should work. For every thing I make for me, I will create one newborn hat to donate... or if I need to feel like I have actually accomplished something during a larger project, I will make a newborn hat. I honestly love participating in charity knitting so in a way, that is selfish... right?

But on the whole, my crafting is going to be for me... I promise... I mean it... this is the year... just look at my Ravelry queue... I'm totally serious...  Fine, I'm going to try... happy?

Pickle ramblings

Have you ever landed yourself in a bit of a pickle and when you sit back and have to process it all, you really don't see how or why the pickle even came to be? Yeah, that seems to be me at the moment.

I didn't say or do anything that I haven't seen others say or do a million times over. Nothing is ever said to anyone else and yet, when I followed suit I was called out for it. How is it different coming from me as opposed to anyone else? Am I being held to a different standard? Have I offended in some fashion so now this is a personal tribunal against me? Am I somehow threatening in my ability to simple meet or sometimes even exceed the goals given to me? All of which should be a resounding no... and yet.

If a fish is judged on his ability to climb a tree he will always be a failure. It is apparently my turn to be a tree climbing fish. Good thing I believe in Evolution... because these flippers are gonna find their way to being feet and I will stand my ground.

On a yarnie note - I have completed the first quadrant of my Hue Shift Afghan and am plugging along on my second. Here are the most recent photos.

You have to excuse the horrible lighting on the second image. I took it in the lunchroom because that is where I have been getting most of my knitting done. Having a quick PopTart and then knitting, all while watching The West Wing on phone with headphones on. It makes for an amazing break in the day.

Speaking of days, my first day shift was today and I loved it. The only down side is that I really do enjoy my deskmate and she doesn't come in until there are only 45 minutes left in my shift. I do believe I will miss her while there aren't any extra hours available. At least when she does pick up overtime, she will come in early so that makes me selfishly happy.

I signed up for a Cast On Party at my LYS for next Friday. I am scared to death but I kind of want to go since I am getting off earlier now. The pattern is gorgeous and I'm going to get the yarn there so I'll be heading in a little earlier. I don't know if I will make it the entire two hours of the party but I want to try. I don't know a single soul. My best friend is coming in for a quick visit but she's leaving that day and Hobbit doesn't want to go with me because she believes she will be bored... and she's probably right. She could read though and just sit with me. Maybe I can bribe her with Starbucks... or maybe I can talk one of my work crafty friends into going with me. I have taught several of them how to crochet but this is knitting... I'll ask anyway.

I should go to bed. Tomorrow will be coming early. Pokey is off and I have to get up at 5 am for this new shift so I'm bone tired right now. It will take a few days to get in the swing of things but once my sleep patterns even out, it will be fabulous. A year on nights takes a while to turn off. My body believes it is midnight but it is just 21:34 as I write this, complete with heavy eyelids and burning eyes.

Tomorrow is my Thursday though so that is nice... and going in so early makes the day fly by too. Have a beautiful week. I have a good feeling I will be able to come back more and more regularly as things fall back into place.

Tree climbing fish and all.

Well, hi there!

I know, I know. I've been gone for a bit. It is called "Peak Season" for a reason. At least 15 hours of OT every week. Things get insane. Thankfully, we are in our last month so I am hoping to get a good schedule down where I can find time to write again. I have missed you terribly. I have things to share. I have projects that I have been working on, contemplating, arguing with, and admiring.

I promise to start devising a plan so that things can get back to a more normal swing. I have already been dabbling... bring back old favorites and brainstorming new ones. Motivational Mondays, Tuesday Tunes, Wednesday Wound Ups, Sunday Snaps... I don't know if they'll all make the cut in the end but I can start with a Sunday Snaps since today actually is Sunday!

Peaks and Valleys - original pattern named Runs for the Hills by YaYa Lovestoknit on Ravelry

This was my first Disney VoluntEARs donation hat of the year. I used a fun acrylic that I had in my stash and thought that this hat would definitely cheer up anyone who receives it. It wasn't the softest yarn but I know that it will soften up once it's washed. My modification notes are on my project page that I linked up in the description. Nothing major, just a few little tweaks.

Time to get ready for work. I hope everyone has a beautiful day. It is my Work Wednesday and then I work 30 hours of the next two days so if I'm quite, don't worry. I do promise to be back... I do!

My gracious!

What a week it has been. The first week back from a vacation is always hard but this one has seemed abundantly so, for various reasons. Some I can share, some I can share in time, and some I may just need to allow to slip away with time because they don't hold any value - to me or you, as there is no lesson to be learned or shared. They were just moments of nastiness that happen and it is always best to just let them go and not allow them to sink in and become a part of the fabric of your soul.

I had a lovely surprise on Monday this week - an unexpected day off! I must have known that I was going to need an extra to recuperate because I headed in to work at 5 am and did not even notice I wasn't supposed to be there until 7 am. Once I did notice though, I debated for a hot minute as to whether or not I would rescind my PTO or just take it... and I took it. I put Hobbit on the bus and took the day to get the house back in order and just relax. I even inadvertently took a nap!

Tuesday, I received some unfortunate news but that is a message for a different day. Tuesday night is the blessing I want to focus on, and oh what a blessing it was! Hobbit was chosen to deliver her TEDx speech for the school competition. Now, to stress how much of an honor this was just to get to the school competition, let me outline the process really quickly. Each teacher has six classes and from those six classes, they had to chose two students - from their combined student total - to send to the school competition. So out of roughly 150 kids, the teacher could only nominate two to move on to the school competition. Hobbit was one of those two for her Language Arts teacher!

There appeared to be 4 6th graders, 3 7th graders, and 9 8th graders who earned the honor of presenting their speeches. The topic was "Taking a Stand"... and guess what...

My precious baby girl won 1st Place and is on her way to District presentations!

We are so stinking proud of her! One of the judges was a local news producer and she gushed over how poised, elegant, articulate, and fabulous she was. She said that Hobbit just blew everyone else out of the water, she was so magnificent. They said their awe was multiplied even further when they found out she was just in 6th grade! The Cambridge Director (prestigious program where the kids can take classes and work towards college credits from the Cambridge University in Great Britain) came over and asked why she wasn’t in the program and “oh by the way”, she was granted approval for her to go in for 7th grade (apparently unheard of - I overheard that all her teachers, the principal, and assistant principal all wrote letters of recommendations for her!). Her teacher and the assistant principal were fawning all over her after she won, telling her how proud they were of her, and how they knew how awesome she was but even they were gobsmacked over her presentation.

My little girl, who is only 11, beat out kids who were up to 13 years old! The other kids all applauded her and congratulated her. She cried because she hears all the time from us how smart she is (think Sheldon Cooper, that’s her - even down to missing the social queues) but to hear it from everyone else was just amazing to her. She said that maybe she should start believing how smart she is… and she really is… like, the highest you can score on the test for placement into the gifted program is 145… she scored 144 and once she explained her reasoning (in 3rd grade when she was tested), the person understood why she answered the one question as she did which prompted that question to be thrown out of future testing due to her “argument” of it being invalid. Although, being as she is, she’s been targeted by bullies and had a very rough go of it in school which this year has caused some challenges. So needless to say, this win was huge!

Wednesday I just enjoyed having the day off of work. I started a shawl with yarn that my best friend left for me to use. I am going to send it to her when I'm done. I have been working on it off and on, even during church this morning... church, wow... but I'll share that in a few minutes. I will, however, share the progress of the shawl right now though.

The pattern is Henslowe by Beth Kling and the yarn is Unisono by Zitron in colorway 1260.

I am interested to see how this yarn plays out. There is some burgundy in there as well that I just haven't gotten to but I am thinking it will be coming into play here soon when I finish that delicious chocolate brown.

Thursday and Friday were just blurred together for various reasons, some good and some not so good but like I said, I will share in time. To gauge how the day was, it required a lot of the following to help get me through...

I murdered some tea this past week. I got an electric kettle for the office so that helped. Sweet & white for the win, always.

Yesterday, Hobbit came down with a cold so I ended up going to visit my folks solo. Pokey stayed home with her and I got some Mama and Daddy time. The first thing we did...

It's still a little strange not seeing my beautiful blue locks!

I know, crazy right! Where is the blue?!? It's been there for over a year now - yes, a whole year I have rocked blue hair. I know it wasn't a favorite look for my mama or my husband, honestly, but it was something I needed to do for me. It was crazy and daring and did you know that the shade of blue I chose was the same as the ribbon color for social anxiety? I didn't either when I chose but I thought it was super appropriate afterwards. My natural hair color is more of an ash strawberry blonde but I didn't want to bleach my hair again so I went a shade or two darker with "natural light auburn" to make sure that the blue was covered and didn't pop out green. It took one bottle for my hair and two for my blue section but I think overall it looks nice. Just going to take some getting used to again.

Then I got to sit and knit with my mama before I had to leave to get back home. I had made a mistake with my shawl while I was anxiety knitting in Cracker Barrel waiting for my husband to show up on Friday night. I don't know what I did but I managed to make a perfect circular hole in a spot just left of center. I believe I may have knit and pulled it over without actually dropping the stitch. Either way, I couldn't figure out how to fix it so I brought it with me to show my mama who can fix anything.

"Here, you work on mine while I fix yours".

Yep, that's what happened. She handed me her yellow baby sweater and I knit on it while she frogged and picked up all the stitches back to before the mess up. I am not good at picking them back. I can fix a dropped stitch without a challenge but since there was nothing dropped, I was just lost. I was ripping it out slowly, thinking I might could put it back together but she offered so we traded. I love knitting with my mama. It is honestly one of my most favorite parts of any visit... just sitting quietly in the room together, my daddy reading and us doing some kind of handicraft.

That brings me to today.. and church. Man oh man, what a message. You see, I haven't found a church home in town so I started "attending" Lakewood Church. Yes, the Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas which is home to Pastor Joel Olsteen. I love his messages and I always walk away refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated for the week. When Pastor Joel is away, Pastor John Gray steps in and man, that man is ate up with the Spirit, let me tell you! I watched service last night and Saturday services are relaxed. The messages are still good and on point but just more relaxed - jeans, etc. Well, I sat down for early service today with my knitting in hand and I was curious if the message was going to be different. It wasn't, actually. It was the same message but interestingly enough, while I did listen to it last night, I actually heard it this morning. As Pastor John said, I am in a moment and it is "the moment before the moment". My moment is coming but this is the moment before the moment when I should work on those little indicator light items so I am right and ready for my moment. Oh yes, I heard him loud and clear - to the point that I had tears in my eyes because he was hitting everything on the head for me. It is amazing what happens when we hear instead of just listen. Have mercy. So I plan on getting right and ready. Realizing it was 90% of it for me. Execution will not be easy but if I stay mindful, I will be alright. I know, it sounds cryptic right now and I am sorry for that but I promise, there will be a time when you will collectively go "oooooohhhhhh, I get it."

So that was my week. I am excited for this week. I really am. I am hopeful, expectant, and passionately positive about the road before me this week. It is mine for the taking and I plan on planting a sign in the middle of it with my name on it. Look out World, here I come!

Time flies

Today is the last day of my vacation. I got to spend it with my best friend in the universe. She is my family of choice, the sister I never had, and I proudly claim her at any time. You want to know how I know I had a good time - I hardly took any photographs! I was so "in" the moment that I forgot to capture the moments. I did snag a few so I thought I would share them...

This last one is full of memories. I picked her up from the airport and immediately took her to my favorite yarn shop, Four Purls in Winter Haven, where I had her pick out a skein of Malabrigo so I could make her a hat. She asked if I would make her one so I waited until she was here so she could pick her yarn - Memory 1. Then I spend the first night knitting the band so I wouldn't have to keep up with the pattern, even though it is an easy repeat, while walking around. We sat and talked most of the evening while I worked it - Memory 2. Then we headed to Epcot on her first full day with us where I knit on the hat as we wandered around, something she thought was weird/neat/odd/cool/just me being me. I got half of the body done - Memory 3. The day after Epcot, we headed over to the Magic Kingdom and I did the same thing. Knitting all through the park is just what I do so when she would look at me, I was looking and walking and knitting (without looking which she just thought was magical). I finished the body of the hat that day - Memory 4. The next morning, we drive Hobbit up to spend requested time with Nana. No knitting happened but I did teach her how to crochet by making a granny square! That Friday, we sat around and talked and watched Murphy's Romance. During the movie, I finished the crown of her hat and the pompom - Memory 5.

Now whenever she wears it, she will have it full of memories of her vacation with me and I hope it makes her smile. I know I had the best time. I may be tired now but I honestly couldn't have wished for a better way to be completely exhausted.

Sunday Snaps

Malabrigo madness around my yarn basket - Hobbit's Tutti Frutti hat and two coffee collars.

I can see the light!

I can seriously see the light at the end of the moving tunnel. There are a few kinks that need to be worked out (like how I did not move anything to hold our movie collection!) but overall, it's coming together nicely.

Last week was a very exciting one for us... and since it's Sunday, why not start up one of my favorite themes - Sunday Snaps! Here we go...

It's summer so it rains every afternoon...

Literally, every afternoon... but some days we get gorgeous rainbows too!

I was able to buy Pokey his first ever brand new car... and he absolutely adores it. Look at that face.

To say thanks, he bought me a new SUV! I just love him - and my new wheels!

We found some really great local eateries. It's like a foodies paradise here. This place was amazing. Kafe Kokopelli, try it!

I got a new shirt and it couldn't be more true... lol.

Tinkerbell really wasn't much help but she is okay with that...

and today, I finished organizing and unpacking my office. The house is 95% done. Just need Hobbit to finish her room.

As soon as that happens, I'll go and do the follow up to the initial empty house video and share how I've filled it all out. Hopefully it won't be too much longer... but for now, I'm quite pleased with how things have been going.

I hope your week was wonderful. What have you been up to?

Sunday Snaps

This is my plan for today - sitting in my chair and knitting. Sounds like the perfect plan to me.

Sunday Snaps

We spent the afternoon decorating the house for Christmas.

We had a very productive day today. We got up and spent the morning at church. We heard a fabulous message regarding the Advent and Hope today. Hobbit really got a lot out of it - her goal is to read the book of Amos this week because Pastor Brian made mention of it in relation to this week's message.

After church, Hobbit and I ran to the grocery store while Pokey dressed the turkey and put it in the oven. Once we put the groceries up, we had lunch at Panera and dropped Hobbit off at Girl Scouts. They were decorating Christmas trees for the people at a local nursing home. She said she really loved spending the afternoon with the elderly residents and has narrowed her 'career choices' down to three - Engineering, Law, and Geriatric Medicine. I love how her passions and mind works some times.

Once I picked her up from Girl Scouts, we went home and decorated our house. She seemed to get really disappointed when I made mention that I was going to do it while she was away but save the tree for when we were all together. She sniffed at the idea though didn't say anything but seeing her disappointment, I waited. That made her super excited when I told her the news. So we decorated our house. She has a tree in her room that stands 4' tall and we have our family tree that stands over 6' - it's tall enough to hit the ceiling and we can't put a topper on it.

The outside did not get done but I'm sure my husband will do it next weekend - because we bought brand new lights for the porch area that are old fashioned big colored lights so he's excited to put them up, he was just really worn out today. I'm not complaining though, as he has been ten days without any type of nicotine - ecigarette or regular - so if he's a little worn out, that's okay. Tomorrow is another day.

I hope you have had an equally blessed day and are looking forward to a week full of cheer.

Sunday Snaps

I have spent the entire weekend reclaiming my bliss. I only allowed myself to do one chore - washing clothes, simply because we don't want to be nudists - but otherwise, I did nothing but that which made me happy... which this weekend meant sewing!

I made this fun little triangle bag as a Slytherin Prize Patrol gift. She wanted something to go in her bag - this should do nicely!

This bag is for Hobbit's teacher whose birthday is Tuesday. Hobbit bought a Goofy and he needed a bag to go in - wallah!

I made myself a superhero project bag because who doesn't want a Marvel Superhero tote bag to carry everywhere?

Recently, I had to break down and get a cell phone because Hobbit's new Girl Scout troop is very active and I didn't want to be tied down at home... oh, for those who didn't know - her original troop was awful and didn't follow any of the proper handbook things so I asked for her to be reassigned after a month. This new troop is fabulous, though a bit over-scheduled in my opinion but the leader is engaged and excited and has been doing it for years. She's even a leader in the high rankings of area Girl Scout offices. Can't remember what it is but it is nice to have her.

So, because they are super active, I broke down and got a cell phone because the leader texts alerts and updates and if they are out, I won't have to be stuck in the house all the time. So with this new phone, I have found Instagram. It is a ton of fun and I have been posting there to keep my sanity while my work life sucks out my soul. I only have roughly 35 more working days of this and then my life will become a million times better.

Alrighty, I'm off to take some medicine for a raging headache that I have all thanks to my lovely neighbor who has been working on his cars and motorcycle all day. His garage is right next to my office/craft room so all the revving and fumes have done me in.

Have a beautiful and blessed week!