I'm gonna be honest with you

... I don't like Halloween.  At all.  I mean none of it.  I find the concept of walking around in the dark begging for candy creepy... and things have seriously gone downhill since I was a kid... you know, back when Halloween was actually fun.

Lots of you are probably making that "psssh" noise at me but hear me out.  I've got some legitimate information and positions to back up my dislike of this yearly event.  Let's start with the age of Trick-or-Treaters, shall we?  Last year, I had several old drunk couples show up at my door demanding candy.  Demanding it!  I had age appropriate Treaters (age 2 to 12) but they were few and far between.  The vast majority of the people begging at my doorstep last year were well into their teens and possibly early twenties - minus the aforementioned old drunk couples.

Now that we've covered the age, let's talk about the costumes.  Showing up with a bit of white face paint or some fake scars does not a costume make.  Put some effort into it for crying out loud... oh, and enough with the zombies already.  Last year alone I saw enough zombies, zombie cheerleaders, zombie brides and zombie babies to choke a horse.  While we're talking about the costumes - ladies, please stop dressing like street walkers.  I don't care if the package said "Nurse" or "Princess" or any such thing and it barely covers your hiney.  If you want to be a vamp hoochie, do it at home because I can guarantee you that I don't want to see it.

Okay so we've covered the ages and costumes - let's talk about buckets.  Pumpkin buckets.  Where did they go?  Why don't you use one?  You're out Trick-or-Treating therefore you should carry a pumpkin bucket... not a flipping king size pillow case!  Candy is expensive, you get one fun-size from this house - a pumpkin bucket would put things back into proportion.  Actually, this year we're doing pretzel bags so it would look monstrous inside the pumpkin bucket... a pillow case just makes you look like a greedy bugger.

All of these reasons, plus the fact that I completely despise being scared, make up why I don't like Halloween.  If Hobbit wants to wear a costume, she can do that any day of the year.  I'm one of those parents who will take her shopping dressed as a princess pirate cowgirl because it doesn't bother me.  More power to her... shoot, I've been known to sport a tiara and wings on errand outings before.  Then again, I dance in the store if a good song comes on so what do I know.  If Hobbit wants candy, she can reach in the cupboard and get some.  There is always something sweet in this house... I would be a mess otherwise because chocolate really does fix everything.

Do you think she'd be miffed if I dressed her up, shoved her outside on the porch and just let her knock on our door?  Yeah, I thought so too.  Oh well, at least it's just once a year...